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15 basic things Charlotteans post on Instagram

Updated: Dec 9, 2019

1) Mid-stroke at Charles Sifford Golf Course in khaki shorts and a branded polo

Caption: Loving the chance to unplug and enjoy this beautiful weather.

Reality: I make enough money to afford golf, ladies.

2) Jeni’s ice cream

Caption: I scream. You scream.

Reality: I’m lactose intolerant, but the likes will be worth the disaster this ice cream is about to do to my digestive system.

3) Myrtle Beach with sand on butt

Caption: I could be a beach bum all summer.

Reality: I could show my beach bum all summer.

4) Crowders Mountain peak, shirtless

Caption: Connect with your roots. Stay close to nature.

Reality: Connect with my abs. Stay close to my pecs.

5) At the confetti hearts wall / purple wall / Fibonacci laughing at nothing

Caption: Positive vibes only. Spread love.

Reality: I have never had an original thought in my life.

6) Sorority reunion at Mechant and Trade racking up a $70 tab

Caption: #GirlGang

Reality: I thought I was done paying for these friends after graduation.

7) Date night smooch at La Belle Helene

Caption: I only have eyes for her.

Reality: We couldn’t find an angle with good light that also showed we’re at La Belle Helene, so we had to tag them instead.

8) Wearing big sunglasses at brewery, with dog

Caption: I love my sweet furbaby.

Reality: My dog stopped attempting to maul smaller dogs and sniffing stranger’s crotches just long enough to snap this pic.

9) Dudebro with arm around girl at Suite.

Caption: It was lit, bruh.

Reality: I talked at this woman for 45 minutes until she claimed she had to use the bathroom and ditched me.

10) Hot Taco for bi-weekly happy hour with coworkers

Caption: I’m so blessed that I get to do this. #dreamjob

Reality: I really should be catching up on that big assignment, but this tequila won’t drink itself.

11) Uptown selfie with local influencer

Caption: Look who I just ran into. #smallworld

Reality: They’re so much more awkward in person.

12) Late night Benny’s pizza slice

Caption: There’s never a bad time for pizza.

Reality: This latest bout with seasonal depression is particularly difficult.

13) Travel selfie with contemplative gaze

Caption: Get outside of your comfort zone.

Reality: I racked up so much credit card debt to buy these flights, seeing free landmarks is all I can afford to do.

14) Bank of America Stadium for a Panthers home game

Caption: Happy ‘Thersday! #KeepPounding

Reality: I’ll be booing every human being in a blue jersey the moment things look bad.

15) Buffalo Exchange dressing room mirror pic

Caption: I am totally in love with this look.

Reality: These outfits combined would cost $200, but the likes from the mirror pic are free.


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